Building collective power by rejecting zero-sum competition

Executive overview

Most workplaces default to competition — for resources, recognition, and advancement. This defaults from a zero-sum assumption that one person's gain is another's loss. Uncompeting means deliberately opting out of that framework and building relationships of mutual support, transparency, and shared power instead.

Competition is a choice. So is choosing not to compete.

The core insight: collective power — built through trust, curiosity, and transparency — creates more durable wealth and influence than winner-take-all approaches.

The case for uncompeting

• Zero-sum thinking is pervasive: workplace rivalries, parenting comparison, social media, politics.
• The competitive default is a conditioned response, not a fixed reality.
• Leaders who model genuine excitement for peers' wins shift the culture around them.
• Abundance thinking is not naivety — it is a deliberate, practiced stance.
• Scarcity framing ("only one promotion") can coexist with investment in everyone's development.

Reaching out to someone who inspires you

• Send a genuine compliment to someone whose work you admire — no accompanying ask.
• Praising someone without requesting anything is rare enough to be memorable.
• Even unanswered notes are carried by the recipient — they matter.
• One genuine outreach per year, done well, is enough to start building collective power.
• The relationships that compound most are built on admiration first, transaction never.

Displaying genuine curiosity

• Surface-level friendliness is not curiosity — Americans often confuse the two.
• Ask questions that reach depth: "What is the purpose of your life?" "How do you define success?" "Are you a collaborative person, and what does that mean to you?"
• Genuine curiosity bridges difference — many strong communities form across people with little in common on the surface.
• You can gauge values alignment early by listening to what people are grappling with, not just what they have achieved.

Talking numbers once trust is built

• Opacity around pay and fees is a structural tool that sustains competitive disadvantage.
• Start by asking on others' behalf: "What are you paying for this role or engagement?"
• Gradually become willing to share your own numbers with peers: "I got paid X — I hope you're getting at least that."
• Sharing salary and fee data breaks silos and is one of the most practical acts of uncompeting.
• Wealth and power are more durable and create greater social good when they are collective.

Taking stock of relationships

• Some relationships outlive their value and actively cause insecurity or a sense of diminishment.
• Watch for misalignment between stated values and actual behaviour — words about abundance paired with scarcity actions.
• Extricating from those relationships is a leadership act, not a failure.
• After setting boundaries, ask: what does this teach me about how I trust and build relationships?
• You are worthy of being in community with people who want to see you succeed.

Expanding the inner circle

• The bigger the inner circle, the more collective wealth and influence can be generated.
• Expansion does not require large time investments: a referral text, an online reference, a book review takes minutes.
• Actively resisting the "am I keeping up?" impulse is what creates space to think about expanding the community.
• Empower others in your circle to expand it too — the work of growth can be distributed.