How to use power responsibly by understanding its invisible impact

Executive overview

Leaders consistently underestimate how much influence they have — and the psychological effects of holding power make that blindspot worse, not better. A boss's casual request doesn't feel casual to the person receiving it. A whisper from someone with power lands like a shout.

The path forward is reframing power not as opportunity but as responsibility. Leaders who do this speak last in meetings, ask rather than assume, and actively seek to feel — not just imagine — the impact of their words.

The core insight: you already have the influence; the job is to take responsibility for it, not acquire more of it.

Why power creates blindspots

• Power reduces spontaneous perspective-taking — you control the resources, so tracking others' states feels less necessary.
• People with power feel free to decline requests; they then assume others feel equally free — they don't.
• High-power individuals are more likely to blame others for circumstances beyond their control (e.g., traffic making someone late).
• The more power you hold, the more a casual remark or optional-sounding request is experienced as compulsory by the other person.
• The Rutgers "strip basketball" case illustrates this: the coach saw voluntary participation; the player felt no choice at all.

Power as responsibility vs. power as opportunity

• Power brings two things simultaneously: opportunity (resources, influence, agenda-setting) and responsibility (others' outcomes depend on you).
• People who frame power as responsibility are more attuned to how their actions land on others.
• They assign fairer workloads, show greater interpersonal sensitivity, and are less likely to cross inappropriate lines.
• Those who frame power as opportunity tend to act without considering impact — not from malice, but from genuine unawareness.
• Reframing is uncomfortable: reminding people that power comes with responsibility makes them want it less.
• The payoff is better leadership — including speaking last in meetings so others give honest opinions rather than deferring.

Seeing the impact of your actions

• We look out through our own eyes — we see what others do, but not what we are doing that others are responding to.
• Fly-on-the-wall exercise: mentally step outside the situation and observe yourself as a third party would.
• Alternative: imagine advising a friend in your exact situation — what would you notice about their behavior?
• Both approaches reduce present-moment emotion and make it easier to spot your own contribution to a dynamic.

Feeling the impact — getting perspective, not just taking it

• Perspective-taking as typically practised is still self-referential: you search your own head for how you'd react.
• Perspective-getting (Nick Epley's term) means actually asking people what they felt and why.
• Research shows people are more willing to open up than we expect — the conversation goes less awkwardly than anticipated.
• Asking deeper, more personal questions (within appropriate context) creates more connection than "safe" small talk.
• The method is simpler than people think: "I wondered how you reacted to that" is enough. No special phrasing required.
• In a workplace: questions like "When did you last feel genuinely listened to by your colleagues?" unlock more honest feedback than engagement surveys.
• Asking for advice from the other person also transfers a small amount of power to them, which can help them open up.