How to respond when triggered at work using an alternate script

Executive overview

Diverse workplaces create more frequent triggers — moments when we feel unseen, disrespected, or misunderstood. The default responses, venting or suffering in silence, are both ineffective and keep people stuck.

The core insight: you don't have to believe an alternate script for it to work — you just have to try it.

The alternative is an alternate script: a deliberately more generous interpretation of what just happened. It doesn't require certainty. It requires a willingness to test a story that gives you a path forward.

What a trigger is and why it matters

• A trigger is anything that provokes a sudden emotional reaction — feeling disrespected, unseen, or unheard
• Triggers exist in the environment; trying to prevent them is a losing strategy
• Diverse workplaces are, as Marshall Goldsmith put it, "a nonstop triggering machine"
• The goal is not to eliminate triggers but to respond to them more effectively

The two default responses and why they fail

• Venting — even when it appears to work, usually backfires for the person who does it
• Private venting injects toxicity into colleague relationships and keeps others stuck in the same negative frame
• Suffering in silence produces no change and no path forward
• Both responses reinforce a narrative that "this always happens" rather than opening options

What an alternate script looks like

• Instead of "he stole my idea," try "he's amplifying my idea — I can go thank him and build on that"
• Instead of "she lacks ambition," try asking what she's interested in and offering future support
• The script turns a perceived adversary into a potential ally
• It gives you a concrete next action rather than a reason to disengage
• Colonel Diane Ryan's example: when junior officers failed to salute her, she told herself "maybe they didn't see me" — then calmly held them accountable every time, without humiliation

The authenticity trap

• Authenticity is valuable, but over-investment in it becomes a liability
• Marshall Goldsmith calls this "the excessive need to be me" — one of the habits most likely to undermine leaders
• Our first emotional response is not our most authentic self; it is often just our most reactive one
• Asking "is this professional?" is a more useful benchmark than "is this authentic to me?"
• Identity and open-mindedness are not in conflict; both can coexist

How to write an alternate script in practice

• Ask others who know the person what genuinely positive traits they bring — factor that in
• Use self-assessment: what story would calm me, free up my thinking, and make me more effective?
• Ask: what concrete benefit do I get from extending goodwill here?
• Start small and specific — the script doesn't need to be a big reframe, just a plausible one
• Test it. You're not committing to it as truth; you're treating it as a hypothesis

Important caveats and the power differential

• This approach is for everyday workplace triggers — not harassment, abuse, or ethics violations
• In those situations, standard escalation (HR, reporting) remains appropriate
• People with less power have more to gain from alternate scripts than those with more power — the asymmetry is real
• Leaders can model this behavior and use it as a teaching tool to build an alliance-oriented culture
• The book also addresses what those in power should do differently — this is not a one-way street

When to hold people accountable anyway

• An alternate script does not mean letting behavior slide
• Colonel Ryan still required salutes every time; she just didn't lead with accusation
• Extending the benefit of the doubt means giving people a face-saving way to correct themselves
• Humiliating the other person undermines the goal — the aim is a positive encounter, not a win
• Sun Tzu: indirection and redirection are less costly and more effective than direct combat