How to handle workplace bullying as a leadership challenge

Executive overview

Bullying at work is common — 85% of college students surveyed had already worked for a bad leader. Most people encounter bullies in positions of power and lack a practical playbook for responding.

Retired US Army Colonel Jill Morgenthaler drew on 30 years as one of the military's first female officers to develop a flexible approach: read the situation, hold your ground without escalating, and find the response that lets both sides save face.

The core insight: you can't always change the culture, but you can adjust the behaviour — and doing so without aggression is what makes it work.

Holding power without direct confrontation

• Jill was assigned to Egypt under a general who refused to work with her as a woman; he insisted on dealing with her second-in-command instead.
• Rather than fight the dynamic, she kept full command authority behind the scenes: no decision could be made without her approval.
• The general's impatience with the five-flight delay eventually forced him to deal with her directly — the system changed his behaviour without a confrontation.
• Key distinction: she didn't give up power; she made the cost of bypassing her high enough that workaround became impractical.

Assertive pushback in peer conflict

• At Command and General Staff College, a larger male peer challenged her authority publicly and physically — getting in her face to demand why she was in charge.
• Response: said "Stop", grabbed a chair to stand at his height, stated her seniority plainly ("I outrank you. Get over it"), then de-escalated immediately.
• The peer backed down and they became friends by end of summer.
• Lesson: some people will roll over you if you don't push back; naming the behaviour and stopping it early resets the dynamic.

Aggression vs. assertiveness

• Aggression strips something from someone; it signals insecurity, not strength.
• Assertiveness holds your ground while respecting what the other person brings — it signals confidence in your right to be in the role.
• People raised in environments where aggression was rewarded often mistake it for leadership; the correction is to assert, not escalate.

Reading people before acting

• Jill developed a habit of hanging back when entering new situations: observe who holds power, who influences the boss, who can be an ally.
• Different people need different things — some need frequent praise, others need autonomy. Note it and act on it.
• Ask people directly how they want to be recognised; they will usually tell you, and it creates reciprocal loyalty.

Stopping disrespect early

• A reliable tell: "With all due respect…" often signals incoming disrespect. Intercepting it before it lands sets the standard.
• Ask: "Is what you're about to say respectful of my rank and position?" Many people stop and reconsider.
• Leaders who call disrespect out immediately set the norm not just for themselves but for how the whole team communicates.

Leading from alongside, not above

• Captain Armstrong, Jill's first mentor, was found waxing the floor himself late at night. His rule: never ask anyone to do something you're not willing to do.
• Years later, Jill was the only senior officer who went out and lay in the mud during a division-wide weapons exercise.
• A general noticed, remembered, and gave her a brigade command she was nominally too junior for.
• Credibility with subordinates compounds — and eventually reaches the people who decide your next assignment.

The leadership training gap

• Harvard Business Review data: average corporate leader first leads at 31, receives formal training at 40–41 — a nine-year gap.
• Military training starts at 18; the advantage is not innate, it is exposure and repetition.
• Practical how-tos matter more than general advice; telling someone what to do without showing them how leaves the gap open.