Redefining selfishness: how advocating for yourself serves everyone

Executive overview

Most leaders are trained to put others first, and end up neglecting their own careers as a result. Selfishness, redefined as the courage to stand up for what you want, is not a character flaw — it is a leadership skill. Jenny Wood argues that championing yourself at least as strongly as you champion others is what attracts allies, earns respect, and creates space for others to step up.

The core insight: if you give everyone a leg up at your own expense, you'll end up getting trampled.

The case for selfishness

• People help those who are already helping themselves — allies follow visible momentum, not modesty
• Advocating for yourself in writing (sharing wins, numbers, credentials) does the research for the other party instead of making them do it
• Guilt when self-advocating is natural; caving to it every time is self-defeating
• Recognising guilt and fear, then acting anyway, is where sustained career success comes from

Say yes to the big, no to the small

• Big work: the organisation's top priorities — the things you can cite at a performance review
• Small work (NAP work — Not Actually Promotable): reply-all birthday emails, every meeting where you add or derive no value, organising the company offsite
• NAP work accumulates invisibly: 10 minutes here, 20 minutes there, then hours a week
• When asked to reprise a volunteer role, sit on your hands — let someone else take it and free yourself for higher-leverage work
• What moves the business moves your career; treat them as the same question

Play to WIN (What I Need Now)

• What you needed three years ago is not what you need today — circumstances change
• Guilt is the main obstacle to playing to win; it must be named and then set aside
• When you decline a role someone expects you to take, you are not abandoning them — you are creating an opening for someone who genuinely wants it
• "This is not your problem to solve" — decision-makers can find alternatives; your job is only to answer yes or no

Separating truths from tales

• Truths: verifiable facts ("my kids are resilient", "this team is full of high-talent people")
• Tales: the stories we construct around those facts ("my family will suffer", "the team will flounder without me")
• Write both columns down for any high-stakes decision; then rewrite the tales to be at least neutral
• We believe the stories we tell ourselves — auditing them is a practical act, not a therapy exercise
• The organisation will restructure, eliminate roles, or flatten hierarchies without hesitation; loyalty runs one way more often than leaders admit
• Separating your identity from your company's identity doesn't make you disloyal — it makes you clear-headed

Smart Start: interviewing your future boss

• In any hiring conversation, you are also interviewing the manager — assess their attitude, not just the role
• A manager describing a hard project with energy and optimism signals a team worth joining; one who leads with complaints and warnings signals burnout ahead
• You can acknowledge difficulty while still framing it as invigorating — the language is a choice
• Don't sign up for a burned-out boss out of gratitude for their honesty

Warming the room with positive energy

• The way a leader frames a situation shapes how the team experiences it — same facts, different effect
• Enthusiasm and specific, forward-looking language ("we're nearly over the finish line") are contagious
• Leaders who warm the room attract people who want to work hard alongside them

Second dog advantage

• Being first is not always optimal — second movers draft in others' wake, avoid pioneer mistakes, and still capture most of the value
• Knowing when to lead and when to follow is itself a form of strategic selfishness
• Ambition and tenacity don't require always being the trailblazer; sometimes picking up well-informed crumbs is the smarter move

Rethinking what "winning" means

• High earning years are not the only years worth optimising — time with family has a finite window
• A well-balanced life doesn't require a well-balanced year; the right trade-offs shift over time
• Playing to win means asking "what do I actually need now?" — not chasing yesterday's goals or someone else's definition of success