How generosity with families builds more business than networking

Executive overview

Most business development focuses on the decision-maker. John Ruhlin's mentor, a small-town attorney, built more deal flow than he could handle by doing the opposite: taking care of the whole family.

The insight is simple but counterintuitive. A personalised, practical gift to someone's family signals care that outlasts any sales pitch or follow-up email.

Take care of the family, and everything else in business takes care of itself.

Ruhlin's origin story

• Grew up on a 50-acre farm, one of six kids, heating the house with wood
• Took a Cutco knife sales job in college to avoid blue-collar labour
• Pitched his girlfriend's father — a well-connected attorney — expecting to sell pocket knives
• Paul surprised him by asking for engraved paring knives to give away to clients

The lesson from Paul

• Paul had more deal flow than any other attorney in town, despite not being the best
• He gave generously and constantly — sometimes spending $20k on groceries for his church
• His reasoning: 40 years of business taught him that relationships, not deals, compound
• The gift wasn't about manipulation — it was a genuine expression of how he operated
• Ruhlin recognised it as relationship psychology before he'd read a word of Cialdini