Coaching for Leaders: reflections on self-awareness, feedback, and meaningful work

Executive overview

Dave and Bonni Stachowiak revisit three recent episodes, pulling out the ideas that have stayed with them. The conversation moves through three distinct threads: knowing yourself well enough to define success, deciding which feedback deserves your attention, and reconnecting with why leadership matters beyond the corporate context.

The most useful leadership work happens at the intersection of self-knowledge and selective attention — knowing who you are, and choosing whose feedback shapes you.

What success looks like (from Margaret Andrews, ep. 750)

• Margaret's framework: our differences are features, not flaws; self-knowledge enables better leadership of others
• Dave's anchor: Zig Ziglar's line — help enough other people get what they want, and your own needs take care of themselves
• The shift Seth Godin highlights: eventually you can set aside the first half of that equation entirely
• Dave's joy comes from deep-dive interviews and seeing Academy members reach their goals
• Privilege enables a focus on others' progress rather than personal gain

How feedback lands — and who gets to give it (from Sheila Heen, ep. 143)

• Bonni's framework for high-performing teams: trust, shared purpose, healthy conflict, clear ownership, results, mutual support
• Her informal self-assessment asked one question each way: what behavior contributes, what behavior holds back?
• The feedback she received named role clarity as the weakest area — but attributed it to organizational change, not failure
• A negative podcast review criticised her laugh; she texted a close friend to be reminded the laugh was worth keeping
• The key question: who has earned the right to give you feedback? Not everyone has enough context
• Sheila Heen's book Thanks for the Feedback covers how to receive feedback — a skill leaders rarely develop

Sharing feedback broadly — when transparency backfires

• Gary Ridge (former WD-40 CEO) shared his full 360 with the entire company as a transparency gesture
• That works for a CEO setting cultural tone; it is risky for most senior directors
• In low-psychological-safety environments a raw 360 gives others material to build a negative narrative
• Advice: curate before sharing — surface the two or three themes you are acting on, not the full data set
• If you don't shape the story, someone else will shape it for you
• Bonni's addition: a dense 360 is hard to translate into concrete behavioural change; focus is a kindness to yourself

Leadership beyond the corporate framing

• A disillusioned Academy member in Boston asked for something bigger than restructuring and budgets
• Dave's reflection: the hardest leadership doubts he entertains are as a parent, not as a professional
• Obama said the same when asked where he entertained the most doubt — Dave initially found that irritating, then came to share it completely
• Bonni's anchor: Marge Piercy's poem To Be of Use — the distinction between being used up and being of use
• The human yearning underneath leadership frustration is simply the desire for work that is real
• Being present in the current moment, rather than living in the future, is the practice required

Episodes referenced

• Ep. 143 — How to get way better at accepting feedback (Sheila Heen)
• Ep. 750 — Six questions every leader should ask themselves (Margaret Andrews)
• Ep. 755 — How to lead a meaningful cultural shift (David Hutchins / Gary Ridge story)