Six steps for starting a conversation with anyone

Executive overview

Most people avoid starting conversations because they psych themselves out — yet everyone builds relationships the same way, from zero. Mark Sieverkropp's six-step framework removes the barriers that stop conversations before they start.

The real insight: great networkers aren't more talented. They take one extra step beyond what everyone else does.

Relationship-building is a learnable skill, not a personality trait.

First impressions: removing barriers

• Smile and make eye contact — these signal you're worth talking to
• Dress at or one step above the expected dress code for the event
• Give a firm handshake; match the other person's pressure, then add slightly more
• None of these earn you points — they prevent you from losing them before the conversation begins

Active listening that makes a difference

• Ask questions and stay genuinely curious; people can tell when you're faking it
• Don't prepare your next response while the other person is still talking (Covey's principle)
• Don't interrupt — every interruption signals you stopped listening
• Listen to understand their perspective, not to find your next opening
• In interviews and conversations, less scripting leads to better exchanges

Reading how people communicate

• Before approaching, observe how someone interacts with others — animated or reserved, close or distant
• Match their energy and volume; tone yourself down for quieter people, up for louder ones
• You're still being yourself — you're flexing your style to meet them where they are
• Watch for disengagement signals: looking around, checking a watch, fidgeting

Finding common ground

• Start with family, career, and interests — these open naturally and carry emotional energy
• Once someone lights up about a topic, follow it; don't redirect to your agenda
• In professional settings, asking what someone does outside work often unlocks the conversation
• Prepare two or three open questions in advance so you have a starting point

Ending without holding anyone hostage

• Most first conversations at events last five to ten minutes — plan for that
• When you see disengagement signals, wrap up rather than wait for awkwardness
• Exit line: "I really enjoyed talking with you — I'd love to follow up about [specific topic]"
• A graceful exit sets up the follow-up; a dragged-out one kills it
• The goal of the first conversation is simply that they want to talk to you again

Following up and growing the relationship

• Write your follow-up email immediately after the event while details are fresh — then schedule it to send later
• Note two or three specifics: kids' names, what they're working on, a shared interest
• Use whatever system you'll actually stick to — notes app, Evernote, a spreadsheet
• Remembering details is how you stand out; everyone else forgets
• Without follow-up, the conversation was wasted time