Pause before reacting and ask if it's necessary

Executive overview

Most anger, regret, and wasted time trace back to two failures: reacting too fast and doing too much. The Stoics had practical fixes for both.

Delay is the remedy — to anger, and to unnecessary action.

Pausing before reacting

• Theodorus advised the young Octavian to recite the alphabet before reacting to anything that provoked anger
• Only fools say the first thing that comes to mind; the wise pause and consider their options
• Seneca: delay is the best remedy to anger, frustration, and impulse
• A physical prompt — catching your reflection, touching each letter — can interrupt the reactive loop
• Ask how much anger has cost you; has it ever made things better?

Cutting the unnecessary

• Marcus Aurelius: "the vast majority of our words and actions are unnecessary"
• Before speaking, acting, or buying something, ask: is this necessary?
• Eliminating unnecessary actions also cuts the unnecessary thoughts that drive them
• Seneca: how much of what we have is unnecessary — and how easily we can shed it without suffering loss
• Doing less but doing it well produces more tranquility than doing many things poorly
• Opportunity cost is invisible until you stop: unnecessary commitments steal time from writing, relationships, and recovery

Why this is harder than it sounds

• Unnecessary things feel obligatory because everyone else is doing them
• Not doing them can feel reckless or privileged — but it's the opposite: busier, less resourced people pay a higher cost for unnecessary commitments
• Earlier in a career, the cost of pointless obligations is highest, but awareness is lowest