Why you regret inaction more than failure, with Daniel Pink

Executive overview

Most people share the same regrets across countries, genders, and ages — the data is surprisingly uniform. Regrets act as a reverse image of what people truly value: stability, growth, and connection.

Inaction regrets dominate over time. By your fifties and sixties, they outnumber action regrets three or four to one.

The thing you were afraid to do is almost always what you'll regret more than the thing you boldly attempted.

The four categories of regret

• Foundation regrets: spent too much, saved too little; neglected health; didn't learn or build skills
• Boldness regrets: not starting a business, not asking someone out, not taking a chance at a life junction
• People reporting regret over a business that failed: vastly outnumbered by those who regret never trying
• The ratio of "wish I'd started" to "wish I hadn't" is roughly 50 to one

How regret changes with age

• People in their twenties have roughly equal action and inaction regrets
• By the fifties and sixties, inaction regrets run three to four times higher
• Action regrets fade because we find the silver lining; inaction regrets gnaw — there's no narrative to resolve them

What the research revealed

• Database of 26,000 regrets from 134 countries
• Surprisingly little variation by nationality, gender, or age at the granular level
• A rigorous quantitative survey with oversampling across demographics confirmed: almost no demographic differences
• The one exception: age — older people skew heavily toward inaction regrets
• Core universal wants: stability, the chance to learn and grow, connection, and to be good