Seven people skills that turn awkward interactions into real connections

Executive overview

Most people fail at networking not because they lack charisma, but because they prioritise talking over listening and showing up over being prepared. The fix is a set of concrete, learnable behaviours — not personality change.

People skills are a set of learnable habits, not fixed personality traits.

Remembering names and showing respect

• Attach a weapon to the name (e.g. axe for Aaron, saw for Sam) — the absurdity makes it stick.
• If you forget, introduce a companion so they ask the name for you.
• You don't have a memory problem; you have a prioritisation problem.

Listening more than you talk: the 70-20-10 rule

• 70-20-10: 70% listening, 20% answering their questions, 10% offering ways to help.
• Most people talk too much and arrive unprepared with weak questions.
• Stop trying to sound smart — connection happens when you ask, not when you speak.
• Starter questions that reliably open people up: "How did you get started?" and "How do you know this person?"
• Alternate between how and what questions to keep conversations moving.

Communicating energy over content

• People remember how you made them feel, not what you said.
• Default to projecting energy: say "incredible" even on a rough day.
• Dispositional optimism (or assume positive intent) — default to the positive view in every situation.
• Prime your body before entering important rooms: push-ups, breath work, a mental mantra.
• Project volume and precision; slow down and emphasise syllables rather than rushing.
• Talk about things you're genuinely passionate about — flat delivery kills connection.

Reading the room

• Merging into a conversation is like merging on a highway: read the speed of the room first.
• Notice when energy dissipates — be the first to acknowledge the conversation is done and move on.
• Adjust communication style to context: high-energy entrepreneurs vs. teenagers require different registers.
• Pause and observe: spot the introvert who needs pulling in, or the talker to stand back from.

Giving compliments that land

• Generic compliments ("great content") are forgettable.
• Effective compliment structure: state an observable fact they also believe → then make the compliment.
• Make it specific and detailed — show you were paying attention.
• Follow every compliment with a question; it signals genuine interest.

Being the connector in the room

• The ability to connect people to each other is standalone value — regardless of your status.
• On arrival, meet someone new, learn who they are, then ask the next person if they know them.
• Wingman move: brag up your colleague before introducing them — they arrive pre-credentialed.
• Find uncommon commonalities to create bridges (e.g. both pilots, both have Olympic medals).
• Reopen a friend's great story in front of a new group — creates connection without you carrying it.
• Ask what someone needs most, then offer a specific introduction to someone who can solve it.

Defaulting to action, not hesitation

• Every moment of hesitation is a moment lost.
• Approach the person immediately — delayed approaches feel more awkward, not less.
• Ask open questions (how, what, tell me a story) not yes/no questions that kill conversation.
• Your intention is felt before you speak: show up with a genuine desire to help and no hidden agenda.