Seven coaching questions that make every conversation more effective

Executive overview

Most leaders know they should coach, but default to giving advice instead. Advice feels comfortable — it gives the advice-giver control and a sense of adding value. Asking questions is harder: it transfers control, creates ambiguity, and demands real listening.

Michael Bungay Stanier's framework centres on seven questions that can be deployed in under ten minutes. The goal is not to coach perfectly but to stay curious longer and give advice less.

Slow down on advice-giving and stay curious a little longer — that's the core behaviour change.

How to ask a question well

• Ask one question at a time; piling on questions overwhelms the other person.
• "Have you considered…?" is advice with a question mark — not a real question.
• After asking, stop talking and actually listen.
• Silence is a sign the other person is thinking, not a sign the question failed.
• Introverts in particular need silence to formulate answers before speaking.
• Advice-giving mode feels safe; question mode feels ambiguous — that discomfort is worth tolerating.

The seven questions

1. What's on your mind? — Opens with the other person's agenda, not yours. Forces focus fast; you can't afford to meander in a ten-minute coaching conversation.
2. And what else? (AWE) — The best coaching question. The first answer is rarely the best answer; AWE surfaces more options and slows the coach's impulse to fix things.
3. What's the real challenge here for you? — Cuts through symptoms to the actual issue. Pair with AWE to deepen: "What else is the real challenge?"
4. What do you want? — Establishes what outcome the person is actually seeking.
5. How can I help? — Forces the person to be specific about what they need rather than assuming.
6. If you're saying yes to this, what are you saying no to? — The strategic question. Clarifies opportunity cost; strategy is the discipline to say no to things you actually want to do.
7. What was most useful for you? — The learning question. Closes the conversation by prompting reflection. Framing it as "what was most useful" (not "was anything useful") primes the person to extract value and builds a positive association with your conversations.

The advice-giving trap

• Giving advice provides the giver with control, status, and comfort — even when the advice is wrong or unwanted.
• Coaching shifts control to the other person, which feels uncomfortable but unlocks their potential.
• The goal is to be a lazy coach: let the other person do the work of thinking.
• Insight → action → impact is the coaching cycle; questions generate the insight.

Resistance and systems

• Organisations are systems that resist change — this is homeostasis, not personal opposition.
• Pushback when trying something new is normal and expected; absence of pushback may mean you haven't pushed hard enough.
• Understanding resistance as systemic rather than personal makes it easier to persist.

Bad work, good work, great work

• Bad work: bureaucratic, life-draining tasks.
• Good work: competent execution of your job description.
• Great work: higher-impact, more meaningful work aligned with strategy.
• Strategy is choosing the right balance between good work and great work — and saying no to protect it.