Getting kicked out of a community forced real personal growth

Executive overview

Drinking to numb pain from a failing marriage led to inappropriate behaviour at a professional conference — and eventual expulsion from a community Cameron valued. He spent six years doing incremental work to address alcohol dependency and is now 48 days sober.

Taking responsibility, going inward, and doing the work is the only path through a serious personal failure.

The wider leadership lesson: when someone f***s up, don't just remove the problem — help them grow through it, and help those they hurt learn to address conflict directly.

The pattern of behaviour and its consequences

• Drinking heavily at speaking events, often on stage with a glass of wine
• Using alcohol to mask pain from a failing marriage and social anxiety
• Flirting and making inappropriate comments at conferences
• Slapped a client's wife on the backside at a conference while inebriated
• Brought up inappropriate topics in a small group setting as a shock tactic
• Asked not to return to the conference community as a result

The recovery process

• Started taking one month off alcohol per year to test self-control
• Added a rule: no drinking on any day without a prior workout
• Graduated to one alcohol-free week per month for two years
• New wife's decision to stop drinking provided additional motivation
• Gradually reduced to one or two drinks at dinner, then two days a week
• Stopped entirely 48 days before recording; doesn't rule out occasional wine at a nice meal

The leadership lesson: don't just remove the problem

• Expulsion alone doesn't address the underlying issues for anyone involved
• The person who f***s up loses the support structure that could help them change
• Those who were hurt miss the chance to learn how to address conflict directly
• A personal development plan, mentor, or coach can help people come out the other side
• Analogy: putting people in prison doesn't make the issues go away
• Leaders should hold people accountable and support their growth — not choose one over the other