Navigating mergers, difficult conversations, and coaching systems

Executive overview

Mergers and acquisitions almost always involve a power imbalance — and the promises made rarely hold. Leaders in acquired organisations need to reset their political capital fast and build new relationships before assumptions calcify.

New managers consistently struggle with two things: asking more questions and having direct conversations. The gap isn't just avoiding difficult conversations — it's failing to be clear and decisive once a decision is made.

Tracking people's development requires a system built around your hub, not around their updates.

Mergers and acquisitions: what to expect

• Almost every "merger" is actually an acquisition — one party holds more power, rarely stated openly.
• "We won't change anything" is almost always untrue; redundancies and role shifts are inevitable.
• "You'll have access to more resources" is rarely true; resources sometimes decrease.
• Political capital resets when organisations combine — treat it as starting from scratch.
• Move quickly to build relationships in the acquiring organisation before assumptions harden.
• What's documented on paper matters far more post-acquisition; verbal context gets lost entirely.
• Listen for the real reason behind the acquisition, not just the stated one — and align to that.

Leading through the fear of change

• People in acquired organisations will be operating under high fear; trust erodes even when you're trustworthy.
• Communicate both what you know and what you don't know — the second half gets left out too often.
• Repeat your message far more than feels necessary; in fear, people barely absorb it.
• If the goal is one unified company, focus on shaping a shared culture — while accepting you can't fully control it.

Difficult conversations vs. direct conversations

• The challenge for new managers isn't handling difficult conversations — it's creating enough of them.
• Build a culture where hard conversations are so routine they stop feeling difficult.
• Difficult conversations involve wrestling with ideas, hearing quiet voices, and making rigorous decisions.
• Direct conversations follow: a decision has been made, here is what it is, stated with clarity and confidence.
• Crisis environments particularly need directness — people need to know what's settled so they can move forward.
• Establish mutual respect first; then candid challenge and redirection don't require softening.

Feedback and building comfort with directness

• Avoiding constructive feedback leads to boundaries being pushed that aren't enforced.
• Exposure is the fastest path through discomfort: volunteer for the situations you avoid.
• Feedback culture modelled from above normalises it — the discomfort becomes manageable quickly.
• Receiving in-your-face feedback teaches that it's not personal — which makes giving it easier.

Managing margin during high-pressure periods

• Work tasks and family tasks get done; personal development and margin are the first casualties.
• Even 20–30 minutes outside daily can restore enough space to keep functioning.
• Privilege awareness helps, but doesn't eliminate the real difficulty of losing personal time.

Tracking people's development and coaching notes

• Keep notes short — a phrase or two after each conversation, not a paragraph.
• Write notes as if the other person might read them; it filters out emotional reactions and keeps things factual.
• Entering the next conversation from a place of neutrality is easier when notes are objective.
• Use a waiting for list (general and person-specific) to track delegated items and open questions.
• Help people translate intention into action: surface one concrete next step, assign a single owner.
• Make commitments visible — use a project management tool for shared work (monday.com, Notion, etc.).
• Maintain a centralised task hub (e.g. OmniFocus) that you control; don't let email dictate priorities.
• Link from your hub to other systems so multiple tools don't create confusion.