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Why "nice" holds you back at work
Executive overview
"Nice" is not the same as kind. Nice is a default mode rooted in fear — the fear of making a mistake or being disliked. People can't connect with nice because there's nothing real to connect with.
The fix is not to be mean. It's to be yourself — whatever version of yourself that is. Authentic people, whether tough, sweet, or aggressive, attract others because authenticity is what people actually respond to.
Being nice is self-erasure disguised as likability.
Nice vs. authentic
- Nice is a fear response, not a personality
- There is nothing to connect with in a purely nice person
- Authenticity — not niceness — is what makes people want to follow you
- Tough, sweet, aggressive, compassionate: all work if they're genuinely you
How to stop being the nice guy
- You already know what you like, what you're good at, what you value
- Stop suppressing that in an effort to avoid friction
- Let the real version of yourself show up at work
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