Finding happiness in hard times: two pieces of advice that stick

Executive overview

Waiting for life to calm down before allowing yourself to be happy is a trap. Two simple reframes — one from a dressing-room mirror, one from a talent-show stage — make it easier to stay present and self-compassionate during difficult periods.

You can't wait for life not to be hard to decide to be happy.

This too shall pass

• The phrase works in both directions: hard moments will ease, but good moments will also end.
• Knowing the good will pass makes you more present in it — not more anxious.
• Negative feelings are normal; the mistake is assuming they're permanent.
• Feelings often pass faster than expected once you stop fighting them.

You don't have to wait for ease to choose happiness

• Singer Nightbirde (Jane Marczewski), after a cancer battle, said: you can't wait for life not to be hard to decide to be happy.
• During COVID, with no local family support and careers in entertainment shutting down, this framing made a practical difference.
• A partner who defaults to finding the fun is a useful counterweight to a tendency toward seriousness.
• Presence in the current moment — noticing what's good right now — is the mechanism that makes this work.

Give yourself a break

• High achievers often feel bad the moment they fall short of perfect.
• Naming what you actually accomplished today — not just across a career — resets perspective quickly.
• Moments when you feel like you're failing build future compassion for others going through the same.
• The advice you give most freely to others is usually the advice you most need yourself.