Self-control and love: two stoic practices for the week

Executive overview

Most people are not in control of themselves — the device, the habit, or the urge is. Stoicism identifies temperance as a core virtue: the ability to stop, not just slow down.

The second practice is sympathia — the stoic idea that all humans are part of one organic whole. Kindness is not optional; it is the logical consequence of that interconnectedness.

If you want to feel good, do good. If you want to be loved, love.

Can you stop? The problem of self-control

• Seneca observed that the wealthy of his time were all slaves — to money, mistresses, attention, or applause.
• Modern equivalents: dating apps, vapes, endless scrolling, a packed schedule.
• These forms of servitude violate temperance, a foundational stoic virtue.
• The question is not whether the habit is socially acceptable — it is whether you are in charge.
• Reasserting control means deciding who is the puppet master: you, or the urge.

Sympathia: we are all one

• Sympathia holds that all humans share mutual interests and are part of the same organic whole.
• Seneca: every encounter with another human being is an opportunity for kindness.
• Hecato of Rhodes via Seneca: the only love potion that works — love others.
• Marcus Aurelius: be free of passions, but full of love.
• Looking at something majestic — nature, the earth from space — dissolves petty anger and resentment.
• Stoicism does not aim to make you an island; it aims to make you more connected.

Putting it into practice

• Ask: who can you give love to this week?
• See every stranger as an opportunity to practice kindness.
• What you put into the world is what you control — not others' validation.
• As the Beatles put it: the love you take is equal to the love you make.