How to strengthen your network by investing in existing relationships

Executive overview

Most networking advice pushes meeting new people, but research shows the real gains come from deepening relationships you already have. Your network is a map — understanding its shape tells you what to strengthen, not just who to add.

Three network types — brokers, conveners, and expansionists — each carry distinct benefits and blind spots. Dormant ties are an underused, high-value asset for almost everyone.

The fastest way to strengthen your network is to reach out to three people you haven't spoken to in three or more years.

The three network types

• Brokers span unconnected social circles; they are creative and innovative but often greeted with suspicion
• Brokers tend to be high self-monitors — chameleon-like personalities who translate well across groups
• Brokering with empathy overcomes the trust deficit that brokers typically face
• Conveners have dense, high-trust webs of relationships; strong for reputation, implementation, and mental health support
• Conveners are at risk of groupthink due to limited exposure to outside perspectives
• Expansionists know thousands of people but with less depth; high influence and visibility, but the most likely to be lonely
• You can belong to more than one type; broker + expansionist is common, broker + convener is rare but powerful

Why bigger networks increase loneliness

• Network size and relationship depth involve a direct trade-off — time is finite
• Expansionists and high-visibility people (CEOs, public figures) cannot invest enough in close, reciprocal ties
• Close ties require mutual trust: the test is whether you would feel comfortable calling that person in an emergency
• Almost 50% of CEOs report loneliness — the "lonely at the top" effect is empirically real
• Emotional support requires closure — knowing that your close contacts also know each other — which large networks make unlikely

The power of dormant ties

• Dormant ties (people you haven't seen in 2–3 years) outperform active contacts for new ideas and project advice
• They sit outside your echo chamber but still carry residual trust — easier to re-engage than to build a new relationship
• Feelings of closeness drop sharply after 2–3 months without contact, but trust endures
• Networks shrank by more than 16% (over 200 people) during the pandemic largely due to out-of-sight, out-of-mind attrition
• Practical starting point: list three people you haven't spoken to in three or more years; spend 30 minutes a week reaching out

Starting points for building closer ties

• Offering help is easier than asking for it — reach out to a loose contact and give something (a link, a thought, a check-in)
• Asking for help is more effective at deepening relationships because it creates vulnerability and reciprocity
• People consistently underestimate how willing others are to help — human pro-social instincts are strong
• Low confidence in social situations causes self-focus, which makes authentic connection harder; small wins break that cycle

Physical space and virtual limits

• Where you spend time is the single biggest historical driver of network formation — often chosen without thinking about network effects
• The mere exposure effect: proximity increases liking; people closest physically are most likely to become close ties
• Virtual interaction reduces eye contact quality, eliminates touch, and makes it harder to transition liking into depth
• Voice-only interaction can support empathy better than video in some cases
• Remote work increases flexibility but risks serious long-term reduction in close-tie formation if taken too far