Replacing "have to" with "get to" to shift motivation

Executive overview

Telling yourself you "have to" do something frames it as an obligation and breeds resentment. Swapping that phrase for "I get to" reframes the same task as a choice and an opportunity.

This single language change taps into intrinsic motivation — restoring a sense of control and aligning the activity with your own values rather than external pressure.

Changing "have to" to "get to" converts a burden into a choice you're grateful for.

How the strategy works

• "Have to" signals external force, removing perceived choice
• "Get to" restores agency — you're choosing the activity
• Reframing surfaces alignment between the task and personal values
• Works for both personal habits (exercise, chores) and professional tasks (speeches, reports)

Putting it into practice

• Identify a behaviour you know is good for you but carry negative self-talk around
• Deliberately rephrase: "I get to do this task"
• Consider how the task connects to what matters to you — health, doing good work, relationships
• Apply before high-stakes moments (e.g. before a presentation) to shift from anxiety to opportunity