Motivation, managing up, and mentoring veterans: Q&A with Bonni Stachowiak

Executive overview

Leaders often default to financial incentives or programs to drive motivation, but individual motivations are diverse and not always consciously known. The real work is uncovering what people want through observation and indirect questions, then bridging that to organisational needs.

This episode covers five listener questions spanning motivation, ending long-winded calls, career growth in a post-acquisition role, mentoring veterans, and managing an ad hoc manager — plus community feedback on servant leadership and reframing feedback.

Motivation is not a trait people either have or lack — it is a set of personal drivers that a good leader learns to discover and connect to organisational purpose.

Understanding and unlocking motivation

• Asking "what motivates you?" directly rarely works — people don't always know, or don't feel safe answering.
• Observe what people talk about, what they care about, how they engage — draw conclusions from patterns.
• Dale Carnegie's interviewing process (carnegiecoach.com/39) offers a structured approach to surfacing motivations indirectly.
• Bridge the gap: connect what the organisation needs with what the individual wants from their career.
• Not all low motivation is a problem — some people are highly stable, consistent performers who simply don't aspire upward; that stability can be enormously valuable.
• Reframe the assumption that everyone wants to advance; many technical professionals are deeply satisfied where they are.

Ending long-winded phone calls

• Everyone has to breathe — wait for a natural pause, then ask a redirecting question or move the conversation forward.
• Consider what routine contact can be automated or shifted to email or webinars, reducing demand on call time.
• Show the team a practical video on conversational redirection techniques (linked in show notes), then discuss how to adapt it for phone culture.

Career development after an acquisition

• Industry experience of 20+ years is often more valuable than a graduate degree or certification — don't discount it.
• Clarify the real goal: is it supervising people, more authority, more money, or entrepreneurial impact? Management and entrepreneurial impact are often different paths.
• In large organisations, look at the strategic plan — find pain points and problems that your experience and relationships can solve.
• Solving a problem of significance and moving numbers for the company is how senior leaders are often made.
• Demonstrating strong project management and meeting management skills signals readiness for management roles.
• Communicate milestones visually and quantitatively to make progress visible to others.

Mentoring veterans transitioning to civilian life

• Veterans come from a highly structured environment; the lack of clear career pathways in civilian life is a common struggle.
• Help veterans translate military skills and competencies into business language — the same experience, reframed for a business audience.
• Focus on helping them tell their narrative compellingly for a hiring context: think about what the other person is looking for.
• Build trust-based relationships first — honest conversations about presentation, appearance, and tradeoffs only land once rapport exists.
• Some nervousness as a mentor is healthy; it signals genuine regard for the person and their service.
• Practical starting point: the podcast Transitioning Vets by Bill Nowicki.

Managing up with an ad hoc manager

• Triangulation — when a senior leader bypasses your manager to hold you accountable — is a systemic pattern, not just a personal conflict.
• Avoid being drawn into triangular conversations; redirect by inviting the absent person into the discussion rather than taking a stand.
• Focus on what you can control and influence; accept that some of this dynamic is outside your scope.
• If your manager is strong on relationships but weak on tasks, leverage that strength rather than compensating for the weakness yourself.
• You teach people how to treat you: by absorbing your manager's workload, you have signalled willingness to do so.
• Decide a realistic working hour limit, identify what you can deliver within it, and have a direct conversation with a senior leader about what will and won't be covered.
• Being willing to say no — calmly and specifically — is required for boundaries to be taken seriously.

Community feedback and resources

• Servant leadership (Robert Greenleaf): the servant leader is servant first — the conscious choice to lead emerges from the desire to serve.
• Episode 137 with John Dixon covers servant leadership in depth.
• Reframe feedback as: information in the present about something in the past that may affect my future — it removes the negative connotation.
• Feedforward (Marshall Goldsmith) is a forward-looking alternative to traditional feedback.
• Powerful feedback question from Sheila Heen (ep. 143): "What's one thing you see me doing or failing to do that holds me back?"
• Credibility chain: results → credibility → trust → freedom to develop others.