Five ways to avoid living with regret

Executive overview

Most people arrive at the end of life wishing they had listened more, shown up more, and taken more risks. Allison Clarke attended 30 funerals in 60 days and distilled the lessons into five concrete principles.

The people who lived without regret were intentional — about attention, presence, and courage — not just successful.

Five principles from 30 funerals

1. Listen and lead others to their own answers — Ask open-ended questions instead of giving answers. People find better solutions when coached to discover them. The impact shows up in others' confidence decades later.

2. Remember the value of face-to-face communication — People hide behind text and email for conversations that deserve presence. Schedule face-to-face time the same way you schedule meetings. Even once a quarter makes a meaningful difference.

3. Do something unique and special for someone — Create experiences people remember: a letter, a tradition, an unexpected gesture. It doesn't need to be elaborate — a handwritten sticky note can be saved and displayed for years. The medium matters less than the intention.

4. Make time for important people in your life — "I should call them" is not enough. Write down two or three names and schedule it now. People express the most regret about relationships they deferred — visits they didn't make while they still could.

5. Bring your courage to the forefront — People facing terminal illness often showed more courage and positive attitude than healthy people complaining about traffic. Courage applies at every scale: skydiving, asking for a promotion, or changing an attitude.

Putting the principles into practice

• Identify who you need to see and block time now — treat it like any other calendar commitment.
• Find one unique thing you already love doing and build a practice around sharing it with others.
• Write things down: goals committed to paper and shared with others are significantly more likely to happen.
• The question "what will they say?" reframes daily decisions — act in ways that will be worth remembering.
• Don't wait for a dramatic moment to show courage; start with one thing you've been avoiding.