Kemi Nekvapil on purposeful planning, values-led decisions, and coaching presence

Executive overview

Most people drift through the year without doing the things that matter to them — not because they lack ambition, but because they never write them down. Kemi Nekvapil uses two complementary systems: a "little big things" list for enjoyable experiences, and a values-grounded goal-setting retreat for deeper priorities.

Clear values make saying no easier — and make saying yes to the right things automatic.

The 24 things list: capturing "little big things"

• Separate from goal-setting — these are enjoyable, low-obstacle experiences worth protecting.
• Without writing them down, a year passes and none of them happen.
• The aim is not to complete every item — it's a prompt to check in throughout the year.
• Examples: attending theatre, lying in a park all day reading.

Annual goal-setting ritual

• Kemi spends a week alone while her family is away — fasting, walking, minimal conversation.
• The belief: when the body isn't digesting, other things come through.
• Goals that emerge in that quiet period become the focus for the year ahead.
• She has practised this for nearly a decade.
• Goals can be unexpected — one current goal is planting 50 peony plants for a micro flower farm.

Values as a decision-making framework

• Knowing your core values makes saying no clearer, not necessarily easier.
• Values-led decisions mean accepting more difficult conversations.
• When declining an invitation, Kemi communicates her no generously — and often suggests someone better suited.
• On video outreach for her US book launch: she sent personalised video messages to her small network rather than mass-messaging 500 strangers, because connection is a core value.

Lowering expectations of yourself and others

• High expectations projected onto others lead to constant disappointment.
• A boundary Kemi uses for lateness: wait 15 minutes, then leave — without building into resentment.
• In teams, "stealth expectations" cause widespread misalignment and disappointment.
• The practice of lowering expectations is learned — Kemi's includes 30 years of yoga and meditation.
• As a coach, she mirrors recurring themes back to clients: if many people keep letting you down, the pattern is worth examining.

Staying 100% present as a coach

• Kemi opens every session with one question: "What are we focusing on today?"
• She doesn't set an agenda — it's the client's session.
• She keeps gaps between sessions to sit with what came up.
• Notes can pull focus away from tone, nuance, and emotional signals.
• Check-ins on previous actions distinguish between "not enough time" and "too scary" — and whether the commitment should be renewed or released.
• Unsolicited advice is for friends and family, not coaches.

The seduction trap: knowing when values override intuition

• Kemi said yes to a project despite an initial "no" — because the person framed it as representation for people of colour.
• The project became a four-year problem that never delivered.
• Her coach named the pattern: "You'll get seduced if it's around minorities."
• She now has a structured arm of her business for giving in that space — contribution without being seduced.

Don't go to the butcher for bread

• The most powerful lesson from her coach, Belinda McInnis.
• Seeking something from someone who has never given it — and never promised it — only lowers your sense of self.
• Applies to working relationships, family dynamics, and long-held hopes for recognition.
• There are bakers everywhere; if you keep going back to the butcher, you won't find them.
• The fix is not to stop wanting — it's to stop expecting it from the wrong source.

Managing overwhelm and pushing through

• Kemi's test when overwhelmed: "Where did I say yes when I meant no?"
• She uses the "Dr Theatre" principle — trust that showing up for others will call something out of you.
• Check in with why you said yes; then trust the commitment.
• After giving 100% as an introvert, she builds in recovery time.